Dealing with communication.

Hey everyone!
It's Kim here and as you may know from my last blog I am married and today has been a very trying day for me. So I want to discuss how I am getting through it and some things that me and my husband do usually to resolve issues that one of us are having.

So the day started out great and we did our own thing. Then at about 2 o'clock  I went to have a nap and during that nap I had a very horrible nightmare about my puppy(Chikondi) being stabbed. Then after I woke up I was really cranky. I started being snappy with my husband and getting annoyed by most f the things he did. Everything is still making me cranky while I write this blog. I am not quite sure why but I just need some time for myself to try and figure out why I am cranky and overreacting.

When me and my partner fight or have disagreements or one of us are cranky we give the other some space. I feel that for me I need some time to just gather my thoughts and feelings then I can talk to him about what I am feeling. We then talk about how he is feeling about what I am doing. One way that you could try getting away to think about things is just saying "I need some time to figure out what I am feeling" or so,etching along those lines. Then of course you take 10 or 15 minutes, maybe longer, to try and really think about what you are feeling and how you can express those thoughts to your spouse or friend. Communication is one of the biggest things in a relationship. If you can not communicate you can't have a healthy relationship which ultimately leads to the end of the relationship or both parties being unhappy.

I have a very hard time expressing my feelings. Which is very difficult when trying to communicate. I have gotten a lot better with practice but I still struggle. The way that I found helped me most was telling him little things first. Telling him that I actually was upset, or angry. After I worked on that I started telling him a little bit about WHY I was any or upset and that eventually worked its way into telling him everything at once..most of the time. I still struggle with it and he still struggles with it.

The first thing you need to do is realize that you have to start communicating.

Than you have to decide what steps you want to take to be more comfortable talking. Another thing we tried was sitting down at night and talking about things that happened that day, or if you are more comfortable writing, write letters to your spouse or friend.

After you are comfortable with that step maybe start telling him some more personal things about your past, about your feelings. Just little things so that you can build trust with them. (Also while you are trying to communicate better they also have to try to communicate better. It isn't a one sided deal.)

Once you are completely comfortable telling him little things from your past maybe pick a bigger event that happened that you might not want to tell them or you are unsure of he they will react when they hear it.

Eventually things will just start coming out. You have to take it slow and be able to trust the people you are telling these things to. Trust takes time to build.

In the end it is very rewarding to know that there is someone that cares about how you are feeling and   Just cares about you in general.


I hope this helps get some of you moving. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Kim.